On Love

"People can get love easy--it's called ecstasy. But you can't fuck love or ecstasy, even if it's pure."

Friday Night Acid Test

"If I am not going to shut the fuck up at least I do it quietly."

"The name is Fro-Hickie you punk ass!" (X-Files)

"Are you dead and facing east?"

"All roads lead to X-Files."

PAW in the LBC

"I been about green!"

"Those girls are gonna get gangraped by some spoken word ruffians."

"Oh, to be young and on acid."

"Are you a lesbian? No? I swore I smelled pussy on you."

Hookers & Johns Party

"There is nothing more demeaning than pulling a condom out of your ass."

"He doesn't know I have a degree in deepthroat."

"They are going to take a dump on my taco but I don't care-- at least it's crispy"

"I started my rag today so if anyone wants to floss with my tampon..."

"So you borrowed $50 dollars from your mom to make a business card; that don't mean you're shit!"

It's a Boy

"Is it a boy? But he likes to suck dick just like his daddy."

random

"Do you see how angry that makes people when you spit bloody razor blades in their face?"

Coachella Message Board

Jane, here's the thing: when I eat pussy, the pussy stays ate. It doesn't go back to its boyfriend. It follows me around like a puppy in the pound, whimpering for me to adopt it. Would you like some tips?

Morning phone call

"Adderall & Oxycontin are approved drugs for my nostrils."

"I'm just going to do a lot of drugs and wait for her to show up-- that's how you get the girls; doing drugs alone in your apartment and waiting."

Redneck Catfight

"Lick my left pussy lip, bitch, 'cause I only shave the right!"

*Thanks, Austen!

hit

1: Is she cute?
me: She's alright...
1: Would I hit it?
me: I don't know, I don't know who you'd hit
2: Any dumb bitch that tries to get smart.

surprise

"You'd be amazed at the things I can shove up my ass."

Love?

"Yes! Have me doggy style and explain the pythagorean theorem. Missionary while he talks about theory of realtivity... excuse me, I was having a moment."

talking at the water cooler

"Black Reign is about to be black balled in this bitch!"

"Young men have a tendency to have Jack-rabbit sex. I already have tendinitis; don't hurt me."

Halitosis

"And I was like: 'Great! Now my dick is gonna smell like pesto.'"

sobriety check

"Do too many twizzlers give you a yeast infection?"

Joke told: "Why don't black people dream anymore? The last one that did got shot."

"S-H-I-T-E-H-E-D"

"Have you seen Palindrome? I will seriously make her have an abortion and fuck up her reproductive organs."

"Do threesomes count as one?"


conversation ender--
1: "I wanted a change of pace."
2: "Take it up the ass next week then."

Romance

Nobody makes me hard but you.

Gems from One Blog

"...it was like you got served but you got line danced."

"...this place was so straight ..it was kind of gay."

"...did i mentioned drinks served in a fish bowl cause that's the classiest thing i've seen in a while."


He will be so thrilled to see himself quoted! http://austensoco.blogspot.com/ read his blog!

Gold digger?

I can't be bought, but I can be rented.

Kurt Cobain

As wrong as this may sound, I'm glad Kurt Cobain killed himself. I mean as much as I heart Nirvana, I would be sorely sad if Foo Fighters never existed.

in regards to the new dress

I don't normally say this but, I would fuck myself in this outfit.

fan

Of course, I am a big fan of my finger.

On Batista's autobiography

I read Batista's autobiography in two hours because he never got a high school diploma... I want to get him to sign it, but if he asks me how it was all I could say is 'you were honest...' I sat down at starbucks and was like 'I'm done and I still have coffee.'

on black men

I was like 'who is this black man running in front of my car? No, I don't want to buy a CD.'

in regards to his ass

That's a hard ass. It doesn't jiggle. It just goes... when you smack it.

cool

I am cooler than thou.

the beginning of the rant

I have come to the conclusion that most people are only concerned about two things: what to eat and who to fuck.

this time he didnt try

"It's almost sex good."

more gems from the weekend

"Don't choke. Just swallow."

"[I'm] not getting fresh, just trying to find the hole."

***Thank you to a very dear coworker for these.

only because if I dont post now I will forget...

Tonight provided some real gems, but the greatest were saved for posterity... there is only one that I will share: "There is a red headed troll up my ass! Why is there a red headed troll up my ass?"

A friend on MySpace had this as a caption for a picture...

My left arm- "A gushing bride."

someone who tried

I'm like a cheetah when it comes to girls. I'll chase you hard for a short distance, after that I'm waiting for slower game to come along.

Just to Start Things Off:

These are some that I have been holding on to and one new one from today:

"Let's see if you can suck a sheet up his asshole. Give him a blowjob"

"Off like a promdress, lickity-clit"

"It's not like drinking high balls all night and jizzing in her mouth... I hear that's bad."

"That was some real jiggle, not no fake jiggle"

"I like my women fack: a cross between fat & thick, but more on the fat side."


Today's quote from a dear friend:

me: "well it's a good thing that you love yourself."
he: "And I do, nightly."